Friday, September 24, 2010

The Other Night part 2

Location: A block from my train station.
Time: After 11pm
Lesson Learned: Remember to pretend your iPod is louder than it really is.

So the other night after dealing with Crazy Bible Guy and doing my volunteer stuff I went home. Walking from my train station to my house when a guy said "good night". So late at night I like to keep my iPod playing fairly low so that I can hear whats going on around me. I some times forget to pretend that I can't hear people over my people.

I responded with a good night of my own and it was the worst thing I had done that night. So here's a bit of the conversation (I didn't get to say much):

Guy: Hey you're American, I can tell by your accent. Your pretty.
Me: Thanks.
Guy: Don't thank me thank God I didn't do nothin. I'm an Apache, I don't speak the white mans language, They brought us here on those little boats and...
Me: (I tuned out trying to get around him but not succeeding.
Guy: I tell my daughter all the time and now I'm telling you, stay in school and get your edumacation. She never worked a day in her life. I've never worked, the government took really good care of me, the government never did anything for me, I worked very hard for all my stuff. I was a veteran, I speak 3 languages, I worked for the FBI, they can't touch me I'm like Kunta Kente. Everything I say is true and come straight from God because he's talking to you through me. If anyone ever bothers you just yell and I'll be right there no matter where you are. Blah, blah, blah.

A lot of what this guy said made less sense than that stuff, he was very drunk and a very closer talker. I have no words for how excited I was when my bus came and I was finally able to get around him and make a run for it. He really was one of the most out there people I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Last Night part 1

Location: New York Film Academy Cafe
Time: 8pm
Lesson Learned: Don't smile at strangers.

So I'm sitting at a table drinking a Naked juice reading an Anita Blake book waiting for the other volunteers in my group, just minding my own business. A large group of people pass by, one guy sees me and tells me that he thinks I'm pretty. Now I didn't want to be rude and I didn't have my iPod in so I couldn't use that as an excuse to ignore him so I smiled at him. (BIG MISTAKE) But I didn't think that at the time. The guy and the crowd passes down towards St. Marks Street, and I return to my reading (Anita was in the hospital after being attacked by a flesh eating zombie; gasp).

Crisis averted; not even close. The guy comes running back up the block to stand in front of me. Here is how the conversation almost verbatim:

Guy: Wow, you're really pretty.
Me: Thanks (Insert awkward smile)
Guy: I've been celibate for 1 year and 2 months.
Me: Thats nice for you. (Looks down at book, take the hint please)
By this point the guy starts to look agitated, his neck starts to twitch and he's getting shifty.
Guy: I've read the Bible everyday for 1 year and 2 months.
Me: That's ni-
Guy: I'm sorry
Me: Okay.
Guy: You're pretty.
Me: Thanks. (Now why did my mother and grandmother teach me to be so damn polite?)
Guy: I shouldn't be doing this.
Me: Hmm.
Guy: I'm sorry guys have done so many terrible things in the Bible. I'm sorry for that, they shouldn't have done those things women are good.
Me: (WTF) That's nice?
Guy: Oh shit. Is that your boyfriend?
At this point he was leaning over the fence that was separating us a bit and one of my fellow volunteers has shown up and is obviously looking for someone.
Me: (Knee jerk reaction) No but I do know him. (Secretly praying that my friend will see me and start making his way over).
Guy: Oh, okay. Oh shit engagement ring.
The guy saw my ring and booked it down the block again as my friend finally made his way over to the table.
Friend: What was that about?
I tell him the story.
Friend: You should really write a blog about the stuff that happens to you.

The rest as they say was history :)

Why Should You Care What Happens in My Life?

You shouldn't. There is no reason that anyone should care about the random things that happen to me, but if I do say so my self some of the stuff is pretty funny. I have the tendency to put my foot in my mouth and attract the crazies.

Last night after my first random event of the night my friend who has heard a handful of my stories said "You know, you should really write a blog." So here I am.

Some of stories I post will not be things that have happened to me per say; rather it will be random things I've done or said that I have not been able to live down. And I will be more than happy to post stories of things that have happened to others. Share the wealth of embarrassment.

I hope you enjoy!